How It All Began ...

On February 12th, as I was taking a bath, I discovered a pretty good size lump in my left breast. In a panic, I called my husband over. Our jaws just dropped. Was this a pregnancy symptom I wasn't familiar with? I got my mom on the phone right away and she told me to go ahead and call the doctor ... who cares that it was 10pm on a Friday night.
Nurses, doctors? I wanted to speak with anyone IMMEDIATELY who could reassure me that this was just another blissful pregnancy symptom. Rigo got a hold of one of our dear nurse friends who did calm our nerves down for the night ... breasts go through tremendous changes during pregnancy and it was probably just a milk gland. Nonetheless, I also called my on-call OB/GYN and they advised to just come in on Monday for an exam.
Rigo and I had plans to go away for the weekend with some friends ... his birthday was this week, so I got suckered into yet another "baseball vacation." We had a great short weekend trip, but I have to admit, I couldn't think about anything other than my appointment on Monday. I confided in my girlfriend that was with us on the trip, who is also pregnant ... a few months further than I am. But, as I expected deep in my gut, she hadn't experienced any lumps like I described. We had a nice trip (despite getting home in the middle of the night and locking ourselves out of the house ... ugh) and both went back to work on Monday, back to our normal lives ...
So we thought. Monday afternoon was my prenatal appointment. My OB/GYN felt my lump, and without saying not a single word more to me, scheduled me for an ultrasound on Tuesday morning and an appointment with a surgeon on Wednesday. In as few words as possible, it was ruled out that the lump was pregnancy/hormonal related. The lump, benign or malignant, must come out. Okay ... I understand that ... we can deal. Life is good. A little lump removal should be fine.
Tuesday morning I went to the ultrasound appointment by myself b/c it was suppose to be an in and out appointment. We did not expect to have any results into the surgeon evaluated the films on Wednesday. The radiologist quickly did an ultrasound and asked me if I would be okay to have a biopsy done ... right away. I was obviously freaked out ... and the doctor (who turned out to be one of my many angles through this) sensed my hesitation. He explained that I could wait and do the biopsy another day (with my husband) but if we did it right then, the results would be available for my appointment with the surgeon the following day. Sold. I didn't know what to expect, how to feel or what I should be doing ... but I did know I wanted answers, and I wanted them fast. So, without any more deliberations, I was numbed up and had four samples of my lump removed.
My (angel) radiologist and his (angel) nurse provided me immense comfort throughout this appointment ... one which I should have felt very, very alone. Because I hate the unknown and I wanted answers immediately, I asked the doctor what his inclination was. The doctor immediately ruled out a syst, and indicated that he didn't think the growth looked good ... it was something bad if he had to guess, but that the biopsy would be ready in a day with the real answers.
I walked to my car ... alone ... got in the car and called my husband. Called my mother. And called my girlfriend Leslie. I sat there in the parking lot for 1 1/2 hours. I didn't know what to do. All three offered to come meet me right away. But for what? I was fine ... physically. I mean nothing hurt, I didn't have a cough, no sore throat. I just didn't know if I go back to work and handle the rest of the calendar for the day (and likely get a trial assigned to me for the following day, which I would not have been prepared to handle) or go sit in my bedroom at home with my dog and have a zillion terrible thoughts running through my head. I eventually said okay to my mom's offer to come to Fresno to spend the night with me and go with Rigo and I to the appointment. My mother lives in Manteca (2 hours north of Fresno) and she left work that second and met me at home.
I stopped by work and spoke with my supervisor. I dropped a lot on him ... I was 4 months pregnant and had a lump ... and asked for the next day or two off to straighten matters out. He was great and told me to take as much time as I need and not to worry ... it was probably benign.
Mom showed up and spoiled me to a wonderful day of shopping and manicures. She definitely got my mind off of the lump. Anyone who knows my mom knows what a character (yes, loving character too) she is. She and I had one of the best do-nothing-very-important-but-spend-time-together-day we had had in a very long time.
I didn't want Rigo to rush home from work or baseball b/c at this point, I knew he was going to have to take time off of work to remove the lump, even if it wasn't cancer ... not to mention the baby. And ya'll know Rigo ... he does NOT miss work, let alone baseball!
D-Day: Wednesday, February 14th was the day of diagnosis. Only five days since I found the lump. I couldn't have asked for quicker answers from my doctors. My mom, Rigo and I had an appointment with the surgeon. She would speak with the pathologist over the telephone and obtain a verbal report of the biopsy. After spending several hours waiting for the pathologist results, the doctor (another angel) came into our room and gave us the news ...
I have cancer ... breast cancer. Doctors and others refer to it as Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The doctor did not have a lot of answers specific to me b/c there was not a pathology report available, but she did know that I would need chemotherapy immediately, surgery and radiation .. Happy Valentine's Day ... oy vey!
After speaking and lots of crying with the surgeon, she arranged an appointment for us with my oncologist at 6am the following morning. I never anticipated I'd have an oncologist ... so strange.
My mom made the call to my dad and within 20 minutes, he was on the road to our home. Dad lives in south San Diego and drove through the night, getting in at 2am to go to the 6am appointment with us.
I was and am scared. But I was happy to have Rigo and my mom and dad there by my side.