By now, I had the answers I wanted. But now I had to get my life in order in a week before I started my chemo treatment? First, I took care of work ... they were great. I have only been with my employer for 5 months. I had no idea what to expect from them (or anyone for that matter), but as I have begun to see in the last two weeks, they were understanding, compassionate and immediately responsive to my concerns.
I felt a strange desire to share my situation with friends and family. (Hence, blog). Rigo and I tried so hard to keep the baby "hush-hush" until we were out of the woods. Then I get cancer and I wanted to tell the world. I had my girlfriends get together so I could tell them, I told my mock trial class, I told high school girlfriends by mass emails. I wanted to let everyone know ... Rigo says it makes me feel better to say it out loud! (I love him). I have to admit, in a way, this was my ceremonial good-bye for the time being. I know I will be fine and recover with a healthy baby at the end of all this, but I have seen cancer at its worst many times before. I know what I am about to face ... and that terrifies me. I am young, I am strong, I run, I think. All of this is going to change temporarily as I render myself to the power of so many drugs. And I don't know how I'll feel about being out and about over the next 6 months ... the only image running through my head is a bald head and big 'ol belly!
My friends and family were great. Overwhemling with support and compassion that I could not have ever imagined. There was just yet two little persons I wanted to say my "temporary good-byes" too ... my two nephews ... my angels, Devin, 8 years old, and Pace, 4 years old. The boys live in Altanta with my oldest brother and his wife, who is also expecting ... a baby girl in June! Finally, Auntie gets a niece! : ) As a little girl, pre-teens, I had the opportunity to see my loved ones endure cancer. I will never forget the pain the physical pain they endured. But it is those images that taught me to do self-breast exams and discover my own cancer. I am afraid my nephews, whom I love so very much, will forever carry images of the "chemo-Auntie" with them. I am okay with them learning about the effects of cancer and being proactive with their health. I am proud that maybe one day they will tell their wives or daughters to be vigilant with their health. And I know I will be fine in a year or two with a full head of hair and all my energy back. But to my boys, that is a lifetime away. I wanted one last bout of fun with my boys before I began this road to recovery.
My dad escorted me all the way from Fresno to Altanta just one day after my clip placement. We spent only a few brief days with the Hernandez Family in Canton, but those are days that I will cherish in my heart over the next few months of treatment. Thank you to my dad, brother and Shan for making those few days with the boys happen. That was exactly the "medicine" I needed to launch me into my treatment! I am ready to hit the ground running ...
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