What A Difference A Year Makes!

This week I celebrated my First Chemoversary! My last injection of Taxol was on September 10, 2007. I remember feeling so scared at that last appointment. I became so use to the regimen of living with cancer and my mental mindset was what got me through the first 7 months. I was determined to make it through the grueling treatments because I knew that is what it was going to take to get my baby here safely and ensure that I would be around to be the mother to him I had always imagined I would get to be. I felt as though my shield against cancer was being stripped away once chemo ended. I was going to have to venture off into no-man's-land with no weapon or aresonal against cancer; just me, myself and I up against cancer. What did the future hold for me? Was I strong enough to ward off this monster of a disease until my surgery date and beyond? Gosh, I remember being so very petrified to finish my treatments.

And then, once chemo did in fact end, and as the days turned to weeks and to months, I remember panicking that my hair wasn't going to come back! I remember about mid-November I still didn't have much regrowth and I thought to myself, "Of course, leave it to me. I'll be the only person in the world who's hair won't come back after chemo. Go figure. Why can't I have these odds when there's money on the other end. Hair. Really, give me a break already."

Break, did I ever get one! My hair (as discussed in earlier posts) has come back with a vengeance! People are finally getting use to my curls and the questions of whether my hair is permed have finally subsided. Now the staple commentary is "Oh my goodness, look at how much hair you have!" It is hilarious. Really. The comments are probably meant with the best intentions, but they come off making me feel a little alienish - in a way apposite to being bald! I laugh it off for the most part. But the next year will be a test of my creativity in dealing with the commentary and my own self-consciousness with the "Bo-Zo the Clown" mullet I am sporting. Really, if I just dyed it red, yellow and blue, Blake would be fired up!

So, I made it a year out from chemo. In "one piece" so to speak. I survived without poison injections. Wow. I was walking on clouds this week thinking about where Rigo and I have come in the last year. Man, oh man. I look back on this year and think that I have lived more life in one year than your average person would in 5 or 10 years. This has been a LONG year for me to say the least. But that just adds to the sweetness of this First Chemoversary! I am aiming for 5 years out ... that is my target. I am taking it a day at a time, each day chomping away at that ever-so-critical 5 year marker! Bring it on baby. One down, four to go.

And what a difference a year makes. Life has gone from sitting in The Room with poison drips eating away at my veins making me look like a crack addict, neuropathy in my hands and feet, nails black, bald head, Buddha belly, joint and bone aches, newborn at home, mentally, emotionally and physically trying to prepare for my bilateral mastectomy to one year later with a head of vibrant, black curls, picture perfect fingernails and toenails (they do get back to normal in time), color to my skin, belly not-so Buddha, joints as strong as ever, full feeling returned to my hands and feet, implants in and settling, and most important of it all, MY BABY BOY STARTED WALKING TODAY!!!!!!!

Woohoo!!! Blake Michael (who turned 14 months old today, on Sept. 14th) woke up this morning and started walking on his own accord, just like y'all said he would! : ) I couldn't be any happier than I am right now. Blake is such a precious blessing to Rigo and I. He is simply flourishing for anyone who may still be wondering how the chemo has affected him. Quite simply, it hasn't affected him. He is my angel! I know I could never adequately put it into words how much joy Blake brings to me and how rich and full he makes my life. Today as he was bouncing around with his giggles pouring over, I couldn't help but burst into laughter with him ... just him and me sitting on the floor laughing our heads off at God knows what! I just realized that I don't need chemo injections to fight breast cancer. Blake is my shield, the perfect dose to fight this cancer. I truly believe that with Blake in my life, I have all I need to win this battle with cancer and hit my 5 year target. Lots of laughter, kisses and hugs; I get to watch over his sweet little dreams, see his boundless sense of adventure, and am inspired by his mighty courage. I love you Blaker. Mommy is so, so proud of you!