That So Wasn't All of It ...

Let's get to the meat of the situation:

I have my preliminary pathology report back from surgery.

This is how it goes:

A 1 cm tumor was removed from my left breast along with all of my breast tissue from both the right and left breast and both the right and left nipples. A small portion of skin was removed from my left breast.

Six lymph nodes were tested and ALL SIX NODES TESTED NEGATIVE FOR CANCER! That is the golden news. That is what we have been praying for. The negative nodes leads us to believe that the cancer did not spread. But, that is exactly what it is, just a belief, a hope and not a certainty or guarantee by any means.

I had an appointment last week with one surgeon to check for infection and remove my bandages. After losing my hair, this was Hardest Day # 2 for Cancer Patient JAL. It was a terrible sight to see and felt like someone tore a piece of my gut out of me. However, just a few hours later, the phone call came into my cell with the great news about my lymph nodes and I couldn't have been happier, considering the circumstances.

With that said, yesterday, Rigo and I went back to Stanford for another follow up with another surgeon. This appointment wasn't nearly as hopeful as I had intended and left the office with more questions than I arrived with. First, the doctor emphasized that I went into surgery with a 1 cm tumor. It was shrunk 2/3rds from chemo, but despite chemo, continued to grow to maintain that size. Even though the doctor doesn't feel that I should continue with additional chemo or radiation, she threw those options out there to let Rigo and I know what we are facing. Does this mean more chemo? After 7 months of chemo? But it didn't work the first time, why would I do it again? For Blake? Is that reason enough to convince my doctors to give it to me and for the insurance to pay for it ... I need it to be here for my son?! Ahhh ...

In addition, the doctor seemed rather conservative and concerned with the thought of me having more children myself. She offered to refer us to Stanford's fertility clinic to harvest eggs for surrogacy, which, in her mind, may be safer for me. Her major issue was "what now?" Continue treatment or close the book on this journey ... forever, or for the time being? If it were forever, of course, case closed. But if it is simply for the time being, then I say the fight must go on ... I have a battle to win and I won't settle for a draw.

So, what now ... I think with this new information, Rigo and I have to go back to the drawing boards. I need all the information I can humanly obtain in the next two weeks before my next appointment with my oncologist. I want him to guide me in the right direction, but this is our decision, my life, our life and I want to feel confident that I am making the best decision for my family and I and for me, that means making a well-informed decision.

With that said, cheers to negative nodes! And thanks to God!

Life is Good ... so are naps! Off I go ... shhhh ....