It's Catching Up To Me ...

That's for sure. This chemo thing is beginning to take its toll on me. What a week it's been. Thursday and Friday were pretty much complete washes for me and I'd rather not ever go back to those days. On Thursday, four days out from my chemo, I had planned on registering for the baby. (Bad plan on my part ... four days ... hello.) My sister-in-law, Monica, drove two hours to come help me register. We had this all planned. I woke up not feeling too hot, but it was already planned. I thought, if I get tired, we'll just slow down. Let's just say, going slow did NOT cut it. I paid the price that night, the minute I got home and all day Friday. I think I had a cold to top it all off too. Pregnancy, cancer, chemo, cold and exhaustion do not mix well. I learned my lesson (Dad, Rigo, body). I will listen to my body and those men a little better.

Chemo was fine on Monday. My counts were fine. My hemoglobin was at its lowest yet, but Dr. P said everything seems fine. We recaped our Stanford appointment with Dr. P. Both doctors agreed about treatment, but Dr. P disagrees with Dr. Carlson on the genetic mutation issue. Dr. P thinks I only have a 20 percent chance of testing positive, and even then, he does not want to do radical surgeries (ovaries and breasts) for several years to give Rigo and I a chance to have more children. Nonetheless, he knew we were eager to get answers, so he referred us to a geneticist. I could go more into it like all the doctors and websites do, but part of me thinks who the hell cares what my chances are ... I am getting sick of all these probabilities. Let's just do the dang test, wait for the results and then take it from there. Really, the doctors couldn't have given me more contradictory "probabilities," so instead of putting my money on any one doctor, I am gonna wait for the results.

During chemo this week, I was given more anti-nausea meds via IV because my last go around at 5-FU wasn't so pleasant. My veins are sore now. It is tolerable, just sore. Everyday sore though, like bruised. I went for a manicure yesterday and had to ask the 80 pound manicurist to go lighter on my arm because she was hurting me ... ha! Had I not been bald, she probably would have laughed right at my face! Dad loves going to chemo now that he learned where to find the headphones for the plasma TV that plays movies. That keeps him busy all 2 hours of chemo! Rigo is getting better looking at the needles. It never fails though ... he has to "go to the bathroom" every time the IV gets inserted. Atta boy. A fellow sister of this battle flirted with Rigo, which made his day. It didn't matter she has been married for 60 years this May ... yes, do the math yourself. It was still flattering for Rigo! : )

As I've begun to acknowledge, it's catching up to me. After chemo on Monday, Rigo, Dad and I got some lunch and headed home. Rigo went off to baseball and I went off to bed. I felt fine, just exhausted. My first few chemo treatments, I was off running errands and shopping. Now, it's off to bed. In a way, this makes Rigo much happier ... I do less damage in bed.

On Tuesday, I had an appointment with the high risk pregnancy doctor. This appointment was just a follow-up. No new information on either end, doc's or mine. It took 2 hours to wait and see the doctor, which is a little frustrating when all they say is "everything looks great, see you in two weeks." But, ah, there is nothing frustrating going to this doctor's office when I get to see "Blake" wiggle around inside me! I LOVE THIS DOCTOR'S VISIT! I am 22 weeks pregnant and I haven't felt the baby move yet. I can't wait until I do. I don't though. So ultrasounds are my only form of knowing the baby is tumbling around. Dad took me to the appointment, so I invited him back for the ultrasound with me. Rigo couldn't make the appointment because he is going to chemo with me each week. My dad has never seen a baby on an ultrasound, so this was quite an exciting moment for him ... to see his newest grandson on TV! Blake looks great. He looks strong! He looks like his dad! His toes are so cute ... his second toe is longer than his first toe, just like Dad! And I think he definitely has Dad's bone structure on his eyebrows at least ... those puppy eyes ... they are my favorite! Ah, how I love this appointment. Blake's heartbeat was a healthy 152 this week and he is doing just fine with chemo ... what a champ!

We hit the mall after this appointment and bought Blake (and my soon-to-be niece) a few outfits to celebrate his strength and then rolled home for a nap! That was our day. Wednesday was uneventful, but okay for the most part. I think my cold was coming to fruition on Wednesday so I didn't feel great, but things were going fine.

On Thursday morning, I had an appointment with the genetic counselor. Again, after 2 hours, it was well worth the wait. I went through my history with the doctor and she gave me some probabilities ... this time 40 to 50 percent chance I will test positive for BRCA 1 or BRCA 2. 40 to 50 percent ... what are the chances she'd say that ... now I have one doctor saying my odds are 100 percent, one doctor saying my odds are 40 to 50 percent and a third doctor saying its 20 percent ... ha! Let's just do the test people! Okay, so if I do not test positive for BRCA 1 or BRCA 2, that does not mean I do not have a genetic mutation which caused my cancer, that just means I do not have a mutation that science can identify ... yet! That is where you all come in ... support breast cancer research. Doctors know other mutations exist, but they haven't been identified. Please buy products that support breast cancer research, such as stamps. At Vons yesterday while I was grocery shopping, I found Viva paper towels that support breast cancer research ... love Viva! So, here we are ... I went through the counseling and got another set of probabilities and an expensive blood test that I will take on Monday. I will get the results on April 26th ... we'll know then, we'll know then.

The rest of Thursday was spent registering for the baby and breaking my body down to a pulp. I love that Monica came to help me because aside from loving the baby, I really have no clue what to do or get ... clueless. And I haven't been doing that great reading up on it either with all my cancer reading. I am so happy I am pregnant, but I wore myself down a LOT on Thursday, so the registering experience wasn't that wonderful. There's always next time ...

Friday I had another baby appointment and all was fine ... heartbeat another solid (and consistent) 152 beats per minute. No ultrasound on Friday, just the heartbeat ... and back to the napping.

So, it's catching up to me. My body is feeling it, my veins, my immune system, my energy level. Okay chemo, take over my body ... just kill the cancer too. My baby is fine, so I am fine. I have no hair, but I have so much more. Everyday I continue to get wonderful cards in the mail, messages from dear friends, the ones who call everyday, every week and those who I haven't talked to in awhile ... all to check up on me ... I love you all for that! Thank you. Thank you to those for keeping us in your prayers. It is a big week coming up, Easter and Passover. Thank you for continuing to pray for my family and I.

My boys are coming today ... that is why I probably can't sleep. My nephews, Devin and Pace from Atlanta (and their parents, my bro and his wife) are coming to visit for Spring Break! I couldn't be more excited for their arrival. They will be here in a few hours! Rigo is off all week, but he has baseball all week ... fun for me too believe it or not! I love making it out to the field as much as I can. Four games in 3 days ... and maybe more ... Championship! Nice ... It will be a good week. No chemo, my boys are here, lots of baseball, beautiful weather, San Diego for the holiday with family, and my health. I am here, with my loved ones. This will be a good week. I may not have any hair, but I have my boys! We have a good life. We are hopeful. "Blake" is healthy and strong and I am better. It is catching up to me that dang chemo, but I am taking this week off! Hasta la vista chemo ...