To My Son, Happy 10th Birthday

This Friday, Blake, our baby boy, officially turns 1-0. Yes, we’ve been celebrating for the past week or so but the official day is fast approaching. For us, this is big. HUGE, in fact. TEN. Double digits, baby. 

{Thank you, God.}

I feel like 10 years has really passed in the blink of an eye. I know that sounds quite cliché. You see, Blake is our little miracle. I remember the first moment I held him. When they laid him on my chest and how even in those first moments of life, hints of his signature smile shone through and I was wrapped in his spirit of hope. From that day forward, Blake has truly been my beacon of hope.  

My little miracle at 6 weeks old.

Now, I know I haven’t been diligent about keeping up this blog, but I do hope one day, Blake will stumble across this blog and read about our journey together. On this milestone birthday, we will be traveling, making memories. So, I’ve decided to write him a letter letting him know what he means to his dad and me and some hopes and promises I have for him.

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TO MY SON ON HIS 10TH BIRTHDAY

Dearest Blake,

Holy moly, 10 years! Baby, we did it! As I write this I have tears streaming down my face and that ball in my throat, not because I’m sad but because I’m so very happy. I am so very proud that you are my son. Happy Birthday to you, Ponchito!

I really can’t believe you’re 10! It seems like only yesterday that we brought you home. My pregnancy with you wasn’t your typical pregnancy but then again, you’re no typical boy. I truly believe God brought you into our lives at the time he did for a very special reason. And we are so blessed to see you carrying out God’s work since before you were even born.

Our itty bitty beacon of hope.

I thought to celebrate a decade together that I’d write you a little letter. Sometimes people don’t often say how they feel and today I just felt like I needed to say so much to you. I have some thoughts, wishes and hopes for you celebrate this birthday …

Be grateful. Your family, your friends, your home, your school and talents…they are all gifts. Every single day is a gift to cherish, even the not-so-good days. It is wise to remember to be thankful for what you have rather than dwell on what you don’t have. And most importantly, always pass on whatever type of goodness you can. Time, treasure, and talent. You have a kind soul. That spirit that you carry helps others even when you don’t realize you’re helping. Remember, someone is always listening and watching. So let your spirit shine to lift those around you up.

Free spirited 4 year old. Photo by Jeana Penko

Stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. The older you get, the more you will understand this value. At this moment, you don’t a world that exists where people are treated differently, but I suspect you will discover this truth in time. Remember, you can control your own actions. Make your world one where everyone is an equal. Even in the most insignificant context, your words matter, always. Be respectful. Appreciate others for what they can do, not what they look like or what they have or don’t have. And celebrate differences.

My little constitutionalist/dreamer at the Women's March San Diego, 9 years old.

Negativity isn’t good. Negativity to others and negativity to yourself. If you say bad things about others it will only make you feel bad. If you say bad things about yourself that will also make you feel terrible and eat away at you from the inside out. Instead focus on the positive. The things that make you happy. Try and focus on the positive things that people say rather than the negative. I know this is hard.

Focus on the positive biggin’. 4 years old.

Be good to your friends. As an only child, your childhood looks a bit different than your dad’s and mine. But know that what you have with your “first” best friends, your cousins, is something to be cherished. Always turn to them and make sure you are there for them too.

With your first best friend, cousin Lyla.

Comic Con 2016 with cousin Pace.

True friends are like the cherry on top in this wonderful journey of life. Some of the most meaningful relationships in your life will come from your friendships. Trust and honesty, kindness and empathy, encouragement and support. The support of your friends in the classroom, on the playground, and on the field has helped shape you into the awesome boy you are today.

Preschool buddies, Carter and Blakey.

Friendships take work and there is a lot of compromise that has to happen. It's both give and take. It’s more important to have a few true friends than a lot of so-so friends. You are reaching an age that can test the boundaries of those friendships. Continue to be the kind boy I know you are and lead with your heart.

With your brother from another mother, Barron. 2014

Failing is good. You won’t always win, pass or succeed. In fact, you shouldn’t. It is within a loss that you grow, learn and improve. And your dad and I won’t prevent you from making mistakes (grandma may) but we will always be here to cheer you on, help you to pick up the pieces and love you through everything. And when you fail, you will get up and try again. Your confidence will give you the courage to try new things, to push yourself farther, and to become a better version of yourself. Not because you know you will succeed, but because you won’t be afraid of failing. Get back up and keep at it, Big Guy.

Keep at it, Big Guy. 2013.

Sensitivity is brave. It’s fair to say that you have taught me more about being sensitive that I can ever teach you. You are such a brave boy always looking to steal a hug, hold of a hand, or smackaroo at every turn possible. That heart of yours is gold - always concerned about others. Keep that. Never lose your desire to show others how you feel about them. But remember, your feelings are just as important. Your eternal optimist mother wants you to feel safe to have not-so-good days. There will be times life is hard and unfair. There will be times you just need a good cry, a shout from your belly, or simply some alone time. That’s okay. We’ll be here for you. And your friends will be too. Someone will always be there. Part of being brave is asking for help when you need it. Don’t let anyone tell you that your heart is anything less than brave.

Oh, the places you'll go!

Work hard and have fun. My heart absolutely overflows with love and pride when I watch how you look at your daddy when he is on the baseball field, whether he is coaching you or you are alongside him at the field with his boys. You see your dad working but not in the traditional sense that many moms and dads “work.” Your dad is full of absolute joy when he is on the field with you. If you have learned anything from your daddy the coach, I hope it is that working hard, playing hard, and having fun are all equally important – not only on the field, but in life.

Taking it all in and breaking it down. First grade.

NEVER stop laughing. I know, I know. Sometimes I scold you for laughing at some less than appropriate times. But at the end of the day, you’ve got it right. Laughter, baby! Laughter. You are always laughing and constantly bringing laughter to those lucky enough to be around you. I mean it when I say you are the funniest person I know. Your sense of humor and easy-going demeanor (both thanks to your daddy) will serve you well as you navigate your teen years, college-life, and adulting. Yes, there’s room to work on your timing and placement, but at the end of the day, your laughter always wins! Never stop laughing.  

My big fish at 9 months old.

Do you and do it well. There is only one you. And good heavens, do I adore that boy! You are much more creative than me or Daddy. You see color in everything. Please always use this creative side of yourself. It is good for your mind and your soul to tap into it, and also, I know, it makes you happy. I love your sketches, your funny cartoons and just watching you doodle. Play the piano and learn new instruments. Keep singing and dancing even if it's just in our kitchen. Hearing you sing Hamilton from start to end is the best thing ever! This creative side compliments your wickedly smart math brain and fascinating imagination. Yes, that brain of yours simply blows me away. I’ve learned so much from you about animals and the environment and science. I hope you’ll put all you’ve learned in these subjects into good use and continue to work hard. One day in the not too distant future, your brilliant mind will create solutions to problems stumping experts and most importantly, you will help others!

Find your passion and serve others. I imagine growing up with a lawma (lawyer mama) isn’t the easiest and at times, I know I get a little wonky. Maybe one day, you’ll find yourself in a situation where the wonk will come in handy. But also, I hope you draw on my love and passion for the law, service, and learning, much like your dad’s love for baseball and teaching. Daddy and I are very grateful we both have jobs that we love and we get to help people thanks to our education. Our hope is that you find a path for your life that brings you the same joy.

Family time at the dock, age 9. Photo by Jeana Penko.

In true lawma sense, I recently came across a graduation speech given by Supreme Court Justice John Roberts. He read this speech to his own son’s ninth grade class. It resonated with many of the hopes and lessons we strive to teach you. Some of it may be a little hard to understand now, but I want you to read this anyways. In part, it reads:

From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice.

I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty.

Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted.

I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either.

And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then, your opponent will gloat over your failure. It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship.

I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion.

Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.

Now commencement speakers are also expected to give some advice. They give grand advice, and they give some useful tips. The most common grand advice they give is for you to be yourself. It is an odd piece of advice to give people dressed identically, but you should — you should be yourself. But you should understand what that means. Unless you are perfect, it does not mean don’t make any changes. In a certain sense, you should not be yourself. You should try to become something better. People say ‘be yourself’ because they want you to resist the impulse to conform to what others want you to be. But you can’t be yourself if you don't learn who are, and you can’t learn who you are unless you think about it.

The Greek philosopher Socrates said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ And while ‘just do it’ might be a good motto for some things, it’s not a good motto when it’s trying to figure out how to live your life that is before you. And one important clue to living a good life is to not to try to live the good life. The best way to lose the values that are central to who you are is frankly not to think about them at all.

So that’s the deep advice. Now some tips as you get ready to go to your new school. Other the last couple of years, I have gotten to know many of you young men pretty well, and I know you are good guys. But you are also privileged young men. And if you weren’t privileged when you came here, you are privileged now because you have been here. My advice is: Don’t act like it.

When you get to your new school, walk up and introduce yourself to the person who is raking the leaves, shoveling the snow or emptying the trash. Learn their name and call them by their name during your time at the school.

Another piece of advice: When you pass by people you don’t recognize on the walks, smile, look them in the eye and say hello. The worst thing that will happen is that you will become known as the young man who smiles and says hello, and that is not a bad thing to start with.

You’ve been at a school with just boys. Most of you will be going to a school with girls. I have no advice for you.

The last bit of advice I’ll give you is very simple, but I think it could make a big difference in your life. Once a week, you should write a note to someone. Not an email. A note on a piece of paper. It will take you exactly 10 minutes. Talk to an adult, let them tell you what a stamp is. You can put the stamp on the envelope. Again, 10 minutes, once a week.

Windandsea Beach, 2015.

Ponchito – I am a better person, a better friend, a better mother, daughter, and yes, human being for having had you with me on this journey. I realize as I write this that in 10 more years you’ll be twenty and you’ll be well on your way to being a man. My heart aches knowing soon (sooner than it will feel right now) that you’ll be starting a whole new path and journey that won’t always involve me. Listen to your gut and your heart and follow them. I trust you to know what works for you, what the right path might be and know that Blake Michael Ledezma needs to make decisions that are best for him. But know that daddy and I will always love you and be so very proud of you. No matter what.

Happy Birthday, Blakey,

I love you,

Mama

We’ll always be there. Photo by Jeana Penko.