The battle goes on and now that I have an answer to "why I have cancer," I must decide what to do with that information. I have a BRCA 1 genetic mutation, which means that in all likelihood, I have a very, very high chance of getting a NEW, SECOND Breast Cancer within 5 years. Let's be clear. I am not saying that the cancer I have now will spread. I am saying that my chances of getting an entirely new breast cancer in the same breast or the other breast is extremely high. Being BRCA 1 positive also means that statistically speaking, I have a very high chance of getting ovarian cancer also. Remember, the BRCA 1 gene is related to breasts, ovaries and prostates ... good I don't have one of those or else I'd be in way over my head!
Okay, so clarity ... that is what I have with these answers. The fact that BRCA 1 positive people have a statistically dismal outlook when it comes to second cancers, it is not 100 percent. Not all BRCA 1 positive people get cancer or get second cancers. Laws of attractions ... what a beauty. As much as I am trying to be positive about my diagnosis, and I know I have a long time to complete my goal of living a long 97 years, I am also a realist. I know what my odds are and I have a son in my belly that I want to nurture, I want to raise, I want to watch him play ball, I want to be at his first day of school and his graduations, I want to be at his wedding and hold his babies. I want to live and I will live. That is why, knowing my odds, I have to take control of this nasty disease to gain control over my life.
Going into this diagnosis, my doctor was hopeful that I was a good candidate for a lumpectomy. All that is changed now knowing I am BRCA 1 positive. I will be having a bilateral mastectomy. I already have an appointment with the surgeon in Stanford. I will be having my surgery there. Reconstruction is another issue ... I do not know what I want to do or what I will do. I have to thoroughly understand all my options and decide what's best for me (with a little input from Rigo) ... I mean I need these girls to last the long haul. I haven't made a decision about reconstruction because there are just soooo many options. Implants, silicon, saline, natural reconstruction with my fat from my abs or thighs (yes, that is essentially a tummy tuck or lipo from thighs), and so on ... ah, and the beauty of the doctors letting me know that "it's my decision." Ugh ... what a tough decision, but I am eager and hopeful. I just need time to research. Thankfully, with the internet, that is my forte. But the decision has been made, I will be having a bilateral mastectomy. (Notably, there are so many options, that I can remove one breast now and save the other to breast feed future children ... I cannot breastfeed this go around since I am in treatment ... and then remove the second breast after I have all my kids ... hmm ... options, options ... what's a girl to do?!?)
Okay, so the breasts are coming off and the ovaries (and fallopian tubes) are coming out. Yes, I have the joy of going into menopause at 28 years old. Whatev's ... I have 97 long years to get use to it! : ) This area gets a little complicated. Ovaries out means no more children. Ovaries out means a less than 2 percent chance that I can get ovarian cancer (which is a very trying and difficult cancer to manage). My doctors are happy I have decided to go forward with this procedure, but the issue is when? When do I want to remove the ovaries? My gut reaction is take them now ... I don't want that ticking time bomb festering. I have one precious miracle child and who am I to be greedy ... one is more than enough ... I am blessed with him!
Well, my doctors only request is that I don't rush into anything. He is very concerned I will do just that ... go scrape them out right away. In fact, every doctor (except one) and all of the literature I have read indicates that it is safe for BRCA 1 Positive women to keep their ovaries for 5 years under doctor's supervision. My doctor insists that Rigo and I should not be short-changed in any way just because I have cancer. He wants us to have as many children as we have always wanted, just within the next 5 years. Rigo and I always wanted two children, fairly close in age, so that is nice to know it is feasible. But this is just another decision for us to evaluate and consider. I mean, I have to be honest. I do not know how I feel about getting pregnant again. I have be blessed with an easy and joyous pregnancy, but I can't ignore that I was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant. I am afraid to get pregnant again. My cancer is not related to the pregnancy at all (I inherited it, remember). But it's there and it's a part of me. A part of my journey, that I get to share with "Blake." Do I want to do this again? Rigo does ... he would like another baby ... two ... two is what he wants for our family. He wants things to stay the same as we always had planned. I totally understand that. And I agree. But I am not sure how I feel about it all. I decided I have to wait and see. I won't wait too long, but we'll see how this delivery goes and how I feel after "Blake" gets here. It's a lot ... all of this ... a lot to decide ... a lot to grapple with. Who knows, I may want 5 kids after "Blake" arrives, but then again, maybe one. We'll see what the future holds ... one things for sure, I have a long 97 years to live!
I had big chemo yesterday and all looks well. Treatment in on track and baby is busy kicking and growing! I have a meeting today to begin working at Valley Children's Hospital. I hope to work/volunteer with the children in the oncology department ... I think it will be mutually beneficial! On Saturday, at 8am at Fresno State, I am speaking to all the participants in the Fresno Relay for Life in the opening ceremonies. Hopefully, I can get the message of hope across!
Thanks all for checking in with us and keeping your prayers coming our way! We are okay. I love hearing from you all and think of my dear family and friends often ... and I love hearing stories of how the Valley is being painted with pink bracelets! Thanks guys ... you're the best!
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